
Now how many of you, like myself, when looking at that caption, had the most irresistible urge to swap out Harry’s name with your own? Try it now, and read it aloud.
Uh huh.
So the news is in: Ralph Fiennes—one of this generation’s most exceptional actors (Jeremy Irons being the other one; and perhaps, then, we should pray that the two just might make a movie together one day…)—will, indeed, be playing the role of Voldemort in the upcoming “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”.
Now, I know what you’re all thinking (aside from the fact that, like the rest of us, you’d heard the rumors that the part had gone to Malkovich months ago, and yes, dear ones, that would have been something…), you’re thinking: “Oh Overground Man, now how can this be? I’ve read all five ‘Harry Potter’ books, and Voldemort doesn’t snatch anyone’s wife in a single one. Not a one!”—and indeed, I must agree, it is a bit of a change of pace for the man that seems to be able to seduce women away from their men in about two seconds flat, with that “I-am-Ralph-Fiennes-and-I-SMOLDER-with-an-unbridled-and-undying-passion-for-you-(one-you-and-I-both-know-is-a-love-far-greater-than-your-husband-could-ever-even-hope-to-conceive-of-)so-come-to-me-NOW-and-I-shall-have-you” thing that he does oh-so-well…
I mean, take a look at the guy’s scorecard:
The End of the Affair: successful wife snatch, Julianne Moore from Stephen Rea;
Onegin: attempted wife snatch, Liv Tyler from Matin Donovan, unsuccessful;
Sunshine: DOUBLE successful wife snatch (!!), Rachel Weisz from Mark Strong (his brother no less—for shame…), AND Deborah Kara Unger from her unknown, off-screen husband;
The English Patient: successful wife snatch, Kristin Scott Thomas from Colin Firth (though, to be fair, I think Firth has a wife or girlfriend snatched from him in pretty much every movie he’s in…);
Strange Days: attempted girlfriend snatch, Julianne Moore from Michael Wincott, unsuccessful (but an "A" for effort, surely...).
So yes, the man gets around. But, to be fair, he does seem to have a taken a different sort of turn as of late—here, the mentally ill boarder in Cronenberg’s “Spider” comes to mind, though surely the movie itself is far too broody, subtle, and contemplative for its own good, with Fiennes delivering something of a nuanced performance—and, yes, he certainly knows how to play EVIL (Amon Goethe in Spielberg’s “Schindler’s List”, which he should have gotten the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for, though honestly I couldn’t then, and I can’t now, imagine any Academy votes going to a role as twisted and horrifying as that); so all-in-all, I suppose it’s fair to say I’m fairly eager to see what he does with the character of He Who Must Not Be Named... (And let us forget “The Avengers” entirely, shall we?)
And as far as the whole “Harry Potter” phenom goes: now, I’ll be the first to admit, I would have never, ever dreamt of going near these tomes, had Heather, at the outset of our relationship, not insisted (and quite zealously, at that), that I absolutely HAD to read these things, and without delay. I could cruise through all five in less than a week, she said—and THUMP!, there the books were. Easy, compulsive reads, she said. Unable to put down once picked up. And yes, my darlings, here I confess: she was right. They were easy, compulsive, unable-to-put-down reads (sort of the literary equivalent to Pringles, I think), and I did cruise through all five in about a week. And yes, they really were that good.
So ladies and gentlemen, if you haven’t read these books by now, the only question I have is: what, have you spent the past several years living under an iceberg…? Go read them. Now. Off you go then.
Back?
What’d ya think?
And finally, to wet your appetite for "Goblet" just a bit more, the teaser trailer for "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" can be seen here: "Goblet of Fire" teaser